I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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