We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
