glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You can't motorboat a personality
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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