Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
