your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize