How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
