After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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