2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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