I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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