I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
