why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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