Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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