I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
