If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Couch. On fire.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
