Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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