We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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