It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The best revenge is premature balding
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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