Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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