I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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