I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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