He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
