I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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