I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
