Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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