saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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