she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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