5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
