I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
