I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He better not be in your backpack
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
