haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
