I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
