he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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