so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
