Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
