What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
