Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
