The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
