The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
