This dress was meant to end up on your floor
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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