If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was like eating out sand paper
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just googled if crying burns calories
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
