i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
