She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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