Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize