There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
