Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
