Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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