If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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