kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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