I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I look better un-naked...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
