So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
