So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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