you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Screwed.edu
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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