Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
