Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
