I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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