I just made out with a guy for $7.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
not ubering you a puppy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
