i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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