i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
