So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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