Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
