What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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