we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
