Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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