I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I will be naked everywhere
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
