Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
