I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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